


Staying Connected

by Mybeautifulcostar



Category: Carmilla (Web Series) RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 08:47:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20079430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mybeautifulcostar/pseuds/Mybeautifulcostar
Summary: In the fog of sleep deprivation and over caffeination, some things seem like a good idea and judgement wanes. I have no excuse beyond that. I've just been avoiding thinking about what it means. We tip toed around this thing - used it to entice an audience and feed ourselves. I don't know if she ever stopped to think what if... I don't like to think that she didn't and that I was alone until that moment. But how could she not? We ended up here, didn't we? The work was my focus. I can't truly speak for her, so I won't, but I think we were on the same path. I was able to pour myself into this vessel. This perfect being of darkness and danger and lust and woe. My favourite cocktail of feeling, being... existing. I could put her on as easily as a jacket and she filled me, my forlorn, lusting vampire.





	Staying Connected

**Author's Note:**

> Part one of something

In the fog of sleep deprivation and over caffeination, some things seem like a good idea and judgement wanes. I have no excuse beyond that. I've just been avoiding thinking about what it means. We tip toed around this thing - used it to entice an audience and feed ourselves. I don't know if she ever stopped to think what if... I don't like to think that she didn't and that I was alone until that moment. But how could she not? We ended up here, didn't we? The work was my focus. I can't truly speak for her, so I won't, but I think we were on the same path. I was able to pour myself into this vessel. This perfect being of darkness and danger and lust and woe. My favourite cocktail of feeling, being... existing. I could put her on as easily as a jacket and she filled me, my forlorn, lusting vampire.

The silence in the room was palpable. No words were left to speak, and the people in the room held their collective breath.

"Do you want one more, or is it done?"

A tired voice broke the stillness, but weary anticipation rose in the room as all turned to look at two actors on the ground.

Brown eyes met, and no words were needed. They turned to the director in unison and a raven head shook softly.

"No, we got it."

The finality in those words unleashed the pent-up emotion in the room and tears fell. Tired and unrestrained sobs shook strong shoulders, and neither lead on the floor let go of the other. Their heads bowed together, breathing into the space they inhabited together. They created a bubble where they could inhabit the moments and not let go, not yet.

It seemed like forever before their bubble was broken, though contact was not lost for long. They still did not want to let go of one another, the desperate need to prolong this connection shared between them. The other people, crew, cast and sundry said their goodbyes slowly, and the room was packed down. Still they huddled together. They had moved from the floor to a couch but remained buried in each other's arms.

Elise's breath was warm on Natasha's neck, but the dark-haired beauty had become used to the warmth. Fingers tangled through silken strands as they had been doing for some time, and the strands had smoothed under her touch. Her other arm was wrapped around Elise's shoulders, and in turn the blonde held her tight, snuggled up into her shoulder. The wet patch from tears and god knows what other fluids had mostly dried in the material of Natasha's shirt (or Carmilla's; they were still in costume).

The last of the team were leaving and time had run out, as reluctant as they were to surrender to the end of this journey. They couldn’t stay here… it was over. That thought floated in the exhausted haze in Natasha's mind, and fresh moisture pooled in deep brown eyes. She had given it everything tonight, the build-up so big that now it was over she was spent. She felt her character with her still - the essence of her brooding, her joy, her triumph, her love...

Dangerous and electric thoughts spurred the dark-haired actor to movement as a new awareness of the softness of her partner's skin registered in her conscious brain. Tucking the strands in her fingers behind a perfectly shaped ear, she squeezed the body in her arms. When she tried to speak her voice was thick and croaky with the tears shed.

"C'mon, we have to go."

She felt the lazy circles Elise had been tracing on her side stop as a groaning protest noise escaped. Apparently, Laura hadn't left the building yet either.

Elise hadn’t ridden her bike, anticipation of an epic day dictating logistics. Moving with the weight of emotional exhaustion, Natasha pulled out her phone and ordered an Uber.

"Are you still up for coming back?"

Elise opened an eye and forced herself upright. The crease in Natasha's shirt had indented on her face slightly where she'd been laying.

"Yes, if you're up for it?" she replied, voice as thick as Natasha's. It was a ritual they'd started in the first season. The intensity of the filming days had hit them, and they'd spent the remainder of the last night of a shoot on Natasha's couch, coming down, releasing energy, drinking and sharing their recollections.

Mostly it was laughing, tears and good whisky, with a shared understanding that letting go of Carmilla and Laura took a little while. They released them slowly together, allowing intensity to evaporate, returning to themselves and re-orienting to the easy camaraderie between Elise and Natasha. It was cathartic, and they'd repeated the process after season 2 and their feature film shoot with different characters. There was just an assumption they would do it again, but Natasha never liked to assume. Part of her didn't want to face the finality of this particular end yet, now that the time had come. This would be the last time, as far as they knew. There was talk of more, but it was emotionally unwise to buy into rumours in this business.

Natasha nodded her agreement and the pair stood, stretching out tired muscles as they gathered their things. Natasha stopped at the door and looked back at the set, taking a moment to add it to her memory. Tomorrow it would be dismantled, forever a memory. She caught Elise's eyes, and understanding passed between them. Elise slid her hand into Natasha's and squeezed it; nothing really needed to be said as they said goodbye to this space. Elise held on to Natasha's hand as they walked out of the building, notifications vibrating the arrival of their Uber on her phone.

The ride to Natasha's apartment was quiet. They sat together, hands clasped tightly, neither yet willing to lose the physical contact. The dark streets and the lights blurred outside the window, but neither really noticed. Natasha rested her head on top of Elise's as they naturally leaned toward one another.

They reached Natasha's building and finalised the transaction. Once inside, it was clear to Elise that Natasha had been planning. Pillows, whisky and tissues were in easy reach of the couch and a bowl of snacks sat covered on the coffee table. There was a blanket neatly folded at one end. Elise snorted a soft laugh.

"God, I love you and your planning."

Natasha's smirk looked like Carmilla's, and she bit back the automatic response from her character. A light blush coloured her pale cheeks as she watched her co-star shed Laura's jacket and shoes and sink onto the couch. They would return the costumes later.

Elise laid back, sprawled against the cushions and stared up at Natasha with a warmth that Natasha felt her body respond to. It was not something she usually experienced with people, and with Elise it happened more often than she would ever admit.

"I can't believe it's done."

Elise's eyes glistened and the words held emotion that Natasha recognised she felt too. Natasha flopped beside her, her body and spirit both tired. Elise moved to accommodate and automatically pulled her into their previous positions, now natural and comfortable as they fit together. Natasha could feel Elise's warm wet face against her shoulder, where her shirt left room for skin to skin contact. Her body, or Carmilla's body, responded to that too; she couldn't really be sure if was her or the character in these moments. Holding Elise or Laura felt right, that's all she knew.

Her exhaustion made it hard to remember to externalise her thoughts and speak, so they lay in a comforting quiet. It was much easier to live in the world of sensation and emotion they had been in for most of the day.

'Heightened' was the word she used in interviews, but it was hard to explain to someone who had never experienced it. Intentional surrender to the emotion of another being, giving life to a consciousness not your own, going through the anguish, then joy then sadness… it was a lot to process.

"Are you OK?"

Elise shifted suddenly, driven by a stray thought, and looked up into her eyes, that loving warmth still there, but with a tinge of concern; Laura was still with them too. Without thought Natasha (Carmilla) answered by closing the distance until their mouths met, tongues familiar and soft as their lips joined. This was not the first time fiction spilled into their reality with physical contact. It was to be expected, part of the process, Natasha had reasoned with herself the few times it had happened in the past. Never more than a stray kiss, or kisses with some roaming hands, but enough to be unable to pin on character work. They had laughed together previously, having silently agreed not to acknowledge their slip into the gravity well their chemistry sometimes created.

Elise shifted as they kissed, movements familiar and Natasha's hands knew where they could safely go on her body (instinct having been built up from practice), sliding down automatically to pull her closer. Whatever the intention of the kiss had initially been, it was lost as they simply explored the sensations. Somewhere in the back of Natasha's mind she knew this was not merely another slip, but she figured, it made a kind of sense given this might be the end.

It still felt safe. Breathing grew harsh as slow became hard and tongues tasted - on a mission to connect and draw out pleasure. It had become too much not to chase. Natasha teased Elise's bottom lip with her teeth, tugging gently as they parted, breathless. The sense of safety was being slowly overtaken by a growing desire for something else.

Their eyes met, lust flaring and further blurring the lines between character and actor. Elise shifted her weight, climbing up to straddle Natasha who moved to accommodate her, transfixed by how dark and intense the blonde's eyes had gotten. This was a familiar position, they had used it several times on camera and Elise knew how to slowly grind without making it too real, but this time she did not hold back and made full contact, earning a low groan of surprise from Natasha.

This was new… and she wanted more. She pulled Elise's mouth back down to her own, and something unleashed as she fisted one hand in her hair, the other supporting Elise's ass, as she effectively rode her. The sigh and almost squeak of pleasure from Elise suggested she was enjoying it just as much, as she moved with slow but firm pressure. Their mouths were hot and trading strokes, biting softly and sucking - nothing that would have worked on screen. It felt good to let loose and just kiss her fully, for the sake of the pleasure in it. The parts of Natasha's brain where she stored secret fantasies noticed how reality was stacking up on some of the things she'd imagined. It was hard to grasp that it could feel better than anything before, but it did.

A prick of anxiety made Natasha pull back for a moment, breathing loudly and resting her forehead against Elise’s. Elise was breathing heavily too, but she took the opportunity to shift her attention to Natasha’s jaw and neck, trailing light kisses until she reached what she knew was a sensitive spot. Her tongue slicked over it, making colours explode behind Natasha’s eyes as a bolt of electricity shot straight to her already heated core. Her anxiety lasted only a moment longer, reassurance easy to take in Elise's obvious enthusiasm, and she surrendered to the visceral sensations building low in her belly.

Carmilla, Natasha, whatever; distinctions ceased to matter. She fucking wanted this. If she was honest, she had wanted this for quite some time. A decision had been made and she abandoned herself to the point of no return.

She pulled Elise’s mouth back to hers, capturing the other girl’s tongue gently between her teeth before sucking it to soothe. Elise’s hips thrust harder into her in response to the new sensation, but that was no longer enough contact. Natasha wanted that delicious friction lower and let Elise know by grabbing her hips and guiding them to allow contact fully between them. They both made noises then, unable to keep the sounds in as pleasure melted them both.

“Fuck.”

Elise moaned into their kiss as they repeated the movement, Natasha guiding, Elise grinding. Emboldened by the last few moments, Natasha fulfilled a long held secret fantasy and slid a hand up to squeeze Elise's breast, feeling the hard-peaked nipple under her palm and through the thin material of her shirt. Elise moaned then and Natasha smiled into their kiss, elated by the sound. She circled it carefully, focused on the reaction and then pinched gently. She was not disappointed as Elise crushed their hips together trying to get friction where she wanted it.

She wasted no time in finding the hem of Elise's shirt and sliding her hand back up and under it. She wanted to know what it would feel like to touch her like this without the barriers of cloth between them. It was not quite as simple as she'd hoped, and she ended up slightly tangled with Elise's bra, which provided a frustrating barrier. With a grunt of frustration and urgency, Elise leaned back and threw her shirt over her head, revealing taut muscle under soft skin and definition. Natasha laid a hand on the warmth of those abs, feeling the muscle move as the other girl reached back to get rid of the final barrier and her modesty.

Natasha's eyes were hungry for the sight as they looked up as Elise looked down at her. The intensity was palpable, and Natasha broke it by leaning forward and laying an open-mouthed kiss on those abs. Elise tossed her bra aside and let her head fall back as the sensation of Natasha's lips and breath against her registered. They climbed deliciously slowly, and she let out a gasp as she felt lips wrap around a sensitive nipple. She steadied herself on Natasha's shoulders as her head snapped up and she leaned forward into the other girl's mouth.

"Oh god…"

The words didn't sound familiar, but they could only have come from her. In truth it was the first time she had ever experienced this with a woman, and Natasha's tongue had magic, she was quickly becoming convinced, as the sucking strokes and attention, equally shared between left and right were building an orgasm already.

Elise abandoned herself to the sensations and her hips settled into a regular rhythm, sliding against Natasha's lap, connecting just enough to make her breathing ragged. It didn't take long before she was gripping Natasha's shoulders hard, moaning through a shuddering orgasm. Natasha looked up at her with a satisfied grin and an arched eyebrow.

"Wow."

It was an utterance of appreciation. Coming down from the high, an answering grin and adorable blush spread across Elise's face.


End file.
